Hey, what's up, everyone? Atheist God here. Christopher Stuffington is too much of an *cough*ass*cough* to write this himself, so here goes.
INTRODUCTION
The Twilight series have had a big shebang, a warm welcoming by the Twilighters. But as any fad, it has now slowly come down to a crash landing, *ssssshhhhhhhhhhh BOOOOOOOOOM*!!!!
But it's had a good run while it's lasted. Let's take a closer look, shall we?...
THE BOOKS
...they're everywhere! Or, at least, they were... Have you noticed that there is definetely less hype about the books? Me too.
They're also overrated. I mean, a human girl gets with a vampire boy, they're awkward, they get sexy time, and they have a sexy and deadly baby. What else is there?
Oh, did I forget Edward's sparkly glittery skin and his gorgeous amber eyes? Remember, he's a vampire. And vampires don't exist.
THE MOVIE(S)
So there's only one movie out right now, and it's based on the first book: "Twilight". And soon, "New Moon" will be out later this year.
For one thing, I haven't read the books, and don't plan to. But my friends are avid Twilighters, and from their POV, the movie has many holes. Apparently there are crucial scenes in the book that the movie completely ignored? But hey, it's a movie. People don't come to it thinking that it's going to resemble the book at all... right?
And now... motivational posters to give you that warm and fuzzy feeling...
Hmmm... warm and fuzzy, right?! :)
Atheist God out.
Now, while I agree with you that Twilight is ridiculous, you can't really blame Twilight fans for being in love with Edward. I mean, he's SHINY. SHIIIIIINYYYY! SHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!
But but... the shiny in the movie is stupid! It's all CGI! And the obvious kind, to boot! Like, why weren't his eyes all glittery?
"But but... the shiny in the movie is stupid!"
NO, IT'S SHINY. SHINY!!!
"It's all CGI!"
See Answer 1. It isn't CGI, it's SHINY.
"Like, why weren't his eyes all glittery?"
Nobody's perfect.
Yeah, who really cares about the shiny? It's FAKE. How about I turn your shiny into ynihs? Hah.
And, yes, nobody's perfect. Which is why Edward sparkles in the sunlight. Vampires are creepy things.
"Yeah, who really cares about the shiny? It's FAKE. "
How many times do I have to say this? It isn't FAKE, it's SHINY. It can only be one thing.
"How about I turn your shiny into ynihs? Hah."
You wouldn't stoop that low. Though if you did, I'd just find more shiny.
"And, yes, nobody's perfect. Which is why Edward sparkles in the sunlight. Vampires are creepy things."
I don't care that he is creepy. I don't care that he isn't perfect. You are ignoring that fact that he is SHINY. That is all that matters here. SHINY SHINY SHINY SHINY SHINY SHINY SHINY SHINY SHINY SHINY.
That being said, I don't approve of the Twilight series. Only one character is shiny, and you could just have a picture of shiny stuff instead of a plotless book.
Cristiana! Can't you see that Adrian neurotically fetishizes Edward Cullen? If you attempt to disrupt Adrian's infatuation with him, you will upset his psyche!
Chris, you misunderstand my position. I do not neurotically fetishize Edward Cullen: I neurotically fetishize SHINY THINGS. I couldn't care less about Edward Cullen. What I do care about is the shinyness. For all I care, you could take away the Edward Cullen and just leave the shiny. It wouldn't matter. Oh, and my psyche is so distorted that I don't mind if anyone upsets it further.
You are in denial!
Denial? I would argue that you can only deny what exists. Also, since Dana Law is our Almighty Creator, she decides what exists. Because Dana is far too awesome to be a Twilight fan, she clearly did not grant Edward Cullen existence. Therefore, Edward Cullen does not exist. Therefore, nobody can be in denial concerning him. On the other hand, shininess is so inherently awesome that it was among the first things Dana created. Therefore, it exists. I think you are all in denial. You are attacking a strawman to try to suppress your own love for shiny things.
"I would argue that you can only deny what exists."
Well, obviously you can't decided whether or not your Edward Cullen fetish exists because you are in denial.
"Dana Law is our Almighty Creator, she decides what exists. Because Dana is far too awesome to be a Twilight fan, she clearly did not grant Edward Cullen existence."
No one fully grasp the profound concept of Dana. You are sinning by misrepresenting her to preserve your own dignity.
You are in love with Edward Cullen! His sparkling only strengthens your intense feelings for him.
Edward Cullen is a joke.
"Well, obviously you can't decided whether or not your Edward Cullen fetish exists because you are in denial."
I can't decide. DANA decides.
"No one fully grasp the profound concept of Dana. You are sinning by misrepresenting her to preserve your own dignity."
Ah, but Dana can grasp the profound concept of Dana, and you must be truly awesome to grasp the profound concept of Dana. Ergo, Dana is awesome. Being awesome, Dana desires what is best for everyone, and what is best for everyone is for everyone to worship Dana. Edward Cullen is clearly not as awesome as Dana, and so many people see Edward Cullen as greater than Dana that Edward Cullen cannot possibly be in the best interests of the people. Therefore, Dana cannot desire his existence. Therefore, Dana cannot have brought him into existence. Thus, Edward Cullen does not exist. It may be a sin to elevate yourself to the level of Dana, but an understanding of Her is not a sin; rather, it is essential to true and devoted worship. We who do not fake our worship for Her know that She desires what is best for the people, and that what is best for the people is Her. This is not a sin, this is the Law!
"You are in love with Edward Cullen! His sparkling only strengthens your intense feelings for him."
This is proof that you do not truly worship Dana. For if you truly worshipped Her, your admiration and love for Her would prevent you from fetishizing anyone else. Your inability to understand that underscores your true ignorance.
You might argue that I could not love SHINY if I worshipped Dana. However, SHINY is not a person. SHINY is SHINY. Dana cannot be Edward Cullen without ceasing to be Dana; however, Dana can be and is SHINY while remaining Dana.
Lawmen!
Your logic doesn't make any sense! You love Edward!
"Your logic doesn't make any sense! You love Edward!"
My logic makes no sense whatsoever unless you accept Dana in your heart. You make it clear that you deny yourself Dana due to neuroticism. When and only when you truly accept Dana, She will imbue you with great knowledge and share with you some of her awesomeness. Only one who is enlightened can understand the words of Danaian philosophers such as myself. Open your mind to Danaism, and all will make sense.
Lawmen.